Mooooooo.

I feel like a cow lately.

For starters, there's always something attached to my boobs. If it's not June, it's Lucy. If it's not Lucy, it's the pump.

Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful to have a huge supply. Right now I'm pumping an extra 20 ounces a day for my freezer stash, and last week I was able to send 120 ounces to a mama who needed a little help with her newborn until her own supply was better established.

Of course, with all that milkin' comes a lot of eatin' and drinkin'.

I think I eat as much as your average Holstein right now.

I'm never one of those mamas who gets cravings and gains a lot of weight during pregnancy. With both my girls, I gained around 15 lbs. However, once the baby makes her entrance and starts nursing, it's like a switch is thrown.

All I can think about is food. I wake up in the morning thinking about breakfast and how quickly I can make pancakes (specifically chocolate chip pancakes), eggs, bacon, and coffee. I have eaten this same meal practically every day since June was born. Healthy, huh?

I woke up last night positively STARVING. This is seriously the first time in my life I've gotten out of bed to eat.

I'd love to know how many calories I'm burning from nursing alone. What's gonna happen when I start working out this week?

Sigh.

Almost forgot- Lucy signs "milk" when I'm pumping. Fabulous.

How do you do it?

How do you listen to your tiny baby cry for HOURS?

How do you ignore his or her cry for food, for comfort, for YOU?

If something feels wrong to you- if you have to fight your maternal instinct to pick up your baby- then IT IS wrong.

Mothering doesn't stop when the sun goes down. Babies are not created to live half the day isolated from their primary source of nourishment and nurturing.

YOU are the expert on your baby- not the M.D. (or, worse, the pseudo-doc) who wrote the book.

My heart is so heavy tonight.

Addendum: I know I shouldn't be so judgmental. There are plenty of people who disagree with my parenting practices. But I can't help but feel angry at the "experts" who convince mamas that we don't know how to mother, that our instincts are wrong, that we are better off listening to (most of the time, anyway) a man with book profits on his mind. Just as I believe women know how to birth, and know the best way for them to birth, I believe mamas know how to take care of their children. I wish more women would trust their gut in this respect.

It's Christmas time...at the Nolan's.

This year was a year of firsts for us- last month we spent Thanksgiving at home, and we did the same for Christmas. Although I love spending time with family, and Christmas is my favorite holiday, I could not fathom traveling 7+ hours in the car with a 15 month old, a 2 week old, and 2 dogs. Not. Happening. So, we stayed here and had our own little family Christmas. Christmas Eve was spent baking cookies, watching Christmas specials, and attending Mass. On Christmas morning, Brett made sure that the tree was on, the candles were lit, Christmas carols were playing, and the camera was ready for Lucy to walk down the hall into the living room.

I was really surprised at how into it she was! Lucy was super excited to play with her new toys and clothes, and ripped apart wrapping paper like an old pro. Wow- was Santa good to the Nolan family!

For Lucy: lots of clothes (she FINALLY fits into the JCrew CrewCuts collection!), a LittleTikes play table and chairs, her own comfy chair, a play "house," bath crayons....lots of other little things.

For June: clothes (some matching Lucy's, of course- but they're are larger sizes so you won't see pics for a while), a blanket, stuffed animals, a name cut-out (from Dixie- Lucy has one, too).

For Brett: plenty of homebrewing supplies (he's into making beer), tools...lots of "guy" stuff. Don't let it fool you, though. He also got a book on artisan bread making- something he's been talking about doing for a while now.

She may not look like him, but she sleeps like him.

For me: a beautiful necklace with charms for Lucy and June, Victoria's Secret gift card (wishful thinking, Brett), a new dress in a retro style, makeup (the expensive kind that I very seldom buy for myself), a food processor, JCrew gift card, LILLY PULITZER ACCESSORIES!

Oh yeah, AND I FIT INTO MY NON-PREGGO JEANS!!!

My favorite Christmas present!

And now, the aftermath....

Junie-bug at 2 weeks.

On our way to June's ped. appointment

Okay, okay. So June is almost three weeks old now- with all the hustle and bustle of getting ready for Christmas, I didn't get around to posting her 2-week stats from her appointment on Wednesday. Drumroll, please......

7.44 lbs. (up almost 2 lbs. from her discharge weight)

20 in. long

Have to double-check her head circumference

In the 25-30th percentile in every category...she's a peanut, but a proportional peanut!

Relativity, mommy-style.

Einstein explained his Theory of Relativity using a woman and a hot stove.

For moms, I think it would be better explained this way: When you're reaching the end of your journey in preggo-land, a week lasts forever. Once your newborn arrives, a week is gone in the blink of an eye.

I cannot fathom that June is already one week old (technically, she's now a week-and-a-half). It's hard to believe that she's already here! Every morning I wake up to see her sweet little face next to mine, and I feel such a sense of awe. I love waking up to a mommy sandwich- June on my right, Lucy on my left. That's 'cause even though Lucy takes naps in her crib and starts out there at night, she generally wakes up around 5 or 6 each morning. Brett retrieves her and brings her to bed, I nurse her, and we all go back to sleep until 8 or so. I know the family bed isn't for everyone, but it works beautifully for us.

Some June developments:

- Like I did with Lucy, I disregarded the hospital's advice to clean June's umbilical stump with rubbing alcohol- recent research shows that alcohol actually increases healing time. For the most part I left it alone, only dabbing on some witch hazel when it was hanging by a thread. And, like Lucy, June lost her umbilical stump within a week of her birth.

- June loves to nurse around the clock. Like Lucy, she seems to be a snacker and prefers to sleep with a boob in her mouth as well. However, unlike Lucy, June is a champion sleeper. She already sleeps for 4+ hours at a stretch at night! June has nursing in the side-laying position down pat, which means I only get up once at night- and that's to change her diaper. Score another point for bedsharing!

- Strangely enough, June loves her swing- something Lucy never really took to. However, when we tried it out yesterday, June wasn't a fan of the Moby- whereas Lucy practically lived in it. I'm really hoping this changes quickly!

Lucy developments:

- Lucy's signing has taken off. It's like something clicked all of a sudden! She picked up 3 new signs yesterday alone- "baby," the grown-up version of "help" (I was having trouble differentiating the babied-down version of help from some other signs), and "cracker." She's still not talking- at least not whole, decipherable words. However, her babble sounds more and more like the real thing, and there's a smattering of words there. It's just a matter of figuring out what she means. Lucy also imitates our vocal inflection, particularly when she "reads" her books out loud.

- She's back to nursing several times a day, mostly in the night and morning. Lucy's doing a great job with sharing, though. She loves to sign "baby" and point to June- it's pretty adorable. We've only had one incident of sister-on-sister abuse so far, and it involved an Eric Carle board book. However, I think it was more of a case of Lucy having terrible aim when she chucked it then an intentional targeting of her baby sister. Still, we had a serious chat about throwing things and being patient. It's a good thing newborns are more tough than they look!

Wordless Wednesday.

Ready to go home!

Mimi and her girls.

BTW- I knit this headband.

She cheeses when the flash goes off.

Daddy and his baby girl.

Love those lips!

MY adventures in tandem nursing.

December 9, 2010- First time nursing both girls at the same time.

Lucy at 15 months, June at 2 days old.

(Sorry for the crappy editing, but I didn't want to give everyone an eyeful!)

For those who read my blog regularly, you already knowing the following. For those who don't, a little background:

I became pregnant with June when Lucy was six months old and just starting solids. I was very proud of the fact that she was a breastmilk-only baby, and I both knew with my brain and felt with my heart that we were not ready (physically or emotionally) to wean. With the go-ahead from my midwife, Lucy continued to nurse throughout my pregnancy. We managed to avoid formula altogether until she was over 10 months old, at which point both my supply and my freezer stash had dwindled and we needed to supplement. It was incredibly difficult for me and gave me a new understanding for moms who desire to breastfeed but struggle with it.

To make a long story short, we fought through supply issues related to pregnancy, morning sickness so bad I lost almost 15 lbs., the "creepy crawlies" that are impossible for anyone other than a pregnant breastfeeding mom to understand, and overall tenderness that had me struggling to let her latch. By the morning before June's birth, Lucy was still nursing twice a day (morning and night), but my patience was wearing thin. I desperately wanted to at least offer Lucy the chance to continue breastfeeding, but didn't know if she would even want to once my milk came in.

So I was very, very nervous after June was born to see how Lucy would react. On Wednesday morning (about 16 hours after June was born), my mom brought Lucy to the hospital to visit, where Lucy saw me nursing her little sister and immediately wanted to be held. I handed June to my mom, Lucy was put on my bed, and I hesitantly offered Lucy my breast. She latched on, and was so surprised to get milk! She nursed for a few minutes, stopped, and looked up and smiled at me before getting back to business. That smile meant the world to me, and made all those months of uncomfortable nursing worth it.

Since then, I have nursed the girls simultaneously several times- not something I planned to do, but it's so beautiful to me to see them together like that. Lucy is going down for naps (and sometimes bed) without a pre-sleep bottle, and I definitely think it is helping her to feel secure in her role in our family. She's not being replaced- there is room for both my girls at mama's breast.

And in case anyone is wondering, my body is definitely responding as though I was nursing twins (that's what all the books I read and lactation consultants I talked to predicted). Unlike most newborns, June didn't have to wait for my milk to come in- it came in immediately. That really helped in making those early days of breastfeeding a lot easier. Even with nursing both girls I have to pump several times a day- I'm stocking the freezer already, and as a full-time working mom, that makes me feel so much better about going back to work! So if you're currently pregnant and nursing, take heart- it may very well be worth it in the end, and I'm definitely grateful that I stuck with it.