Hanging in there.

If I had posted this yesterday, the title would have been “Emily’s No-Good, Very Bad Day.”

Do you ever have pity parties for yourself? That was me yesterday. I think I acted like a toddler- I’m gonna blame pregnancy hormones coupled with sleep deprivation. Because I use this blog as a sort of (albeit public) diary, I’m going to hash out why I was feeling sorry for myself. However, instead of just being negative, I’m going to list ways I can work on addressing each issue. If you are so inclined, positive support would be much appreciated.

1. 11. Issue: Lucy’s sleep situation. Up until I was pregnant again, I loved co-sleeping. I didn’t mind putting Lucy to sleep myself- or should I say, nursing her to sleep. Waking up twice-a-night didn’t bother me- heck, she is so good at latching on herself, we would just fall back asleep together, and most of the time, I didn’t even remember waking up the next day. Fast forward. If you’ve been pregnant before, you may sympathize with me when I saw that I am so overcome by exhaustion that I take daily naps in my car during my lunch break at work. My breasts are incredibly sore- although breastfeeding usually only bothers me terribly at first latch. Pumping is somewhat worse. For these reasons, I have started dreading bedtime. I cannot stand letting Lucy nurse for hours on end. I should add here that she refuses a pacifier at bedtime as well. The bottom line is that I need sleep, and to not be an open-twenty-four-hours snack shop.

Solution: I bought Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solution. We are working on the following: Brett putting Lucy to sleep at night. He already puts her down for naps, which she doesn’t mind at all. However, her baby brain knows when it’s time for nighttime sleep, and she fights it. Hopefully this will help with her association of falling asleep and nursing. It will probably be pretty rough at first, but I feel a lot more comfortable doing this than taking another approach, because even if she cries, I know Brett is cuddling her. This might be easier if her favorite time to say “mama” was not while crying. Oh, and we are going to keep on co-sleeping- just focusing on the nursing-to-sleep and nursing-all-night issue.

2. Issue: Personal body anxiety/feeling bad about my appearance. I’m the first to admit it- I love clothes. I love shopping for them and wearing them. That being said, it’s been forever since I could wear what I want. Between being pregnant and nursing, most of my favorite clothes have been impractical and/or impossible for the last year or so. Tack on another 7 months of pregnancy and a few more months of frequent breastfeeding, and it will be over 2 years since I said “hello” to some of my favorite things. Also, with having a nearly-eight-month-old at home, I have very little time for myself. I haven’t been to the salon for a haircut/color since I was on maternity leave, heaven knows how long it’s been since I had a pedicure, and I have NO TIME to work out. And yes, I know I’m lucky in the so-sick-I-don’t-gain-weight while pregnant department, but that doesn’t help.

Solution: As soon as I am through the first trimester, I’m taking a salon day. If anyone tries to guilt-trip me about hair dye, I’ll beat you. Seriously. I’m sticking with foils, which keeps the color off my scalp. And frankly, we all have our little something. I’m going to buy some newer clothes this time around- last time I bought hardly any maternity clothes, but this time I may splurge on some designer jeans and nicer tops, since I will be pregnant into December. And, finally, we’re joining the YMCA. I’m losing the battle in convincing Brett to buy a treadmill, so…this seems like a good option. They also have free childcare and some group classes, and I’m thinking about taking up dance again. At this point, nursing and pregnancy are requiring too many calories for me to run- I would not be able to keep up, food-wise. Hopefully in a few weeks things will be better and I will be able to get back in my running shoes.

So that’s it. I know this what pretty Debbie-Downer of me, so I’ll work on a “gratitude” threat later in the week. That is, I will if I get enough energy to actually pick up my computer.