She was in a car accident on the way to work.
Met with crazy CNM lady (I'm NOT going to call her a midwife) instead.
Answer to all my questions? "Because, according to ACOG...."
My home birth request is now at the legal office. They're determining whether the Base Commander can refuse it, regardless of whether I live on base or not (I don't, and according to current regs, he isn't supposed to be able to.)
Some other gems?
"You can have intermittent monitoring until it's time to push, then it has to be continuous. I have seen babies DIE, and you haven't. ACOG says...."
"I don't mind your belly ring, but you can bet the hospital will."
"I can be as midwife-y as the rest of them."
"Why don't you just stay home and have your baby in the bathtub?" (insert sarcasm here)
"Now that you bring it up, maybe I will." (me being totally serious)
"Just make sure you bring in the placenta so you can prove it."
"Promise you'll give it back?" (again, me being totally serious)
(Insert disgusted look here)